For years and years (and to this day!) I didn’t let myself try things I wasn’t already good at. A pick-up game of soccer? Nah, I’ll just watch. Video games? No thanks. Slap cup? Only grudgingly because I didn’t want to feel left out.
I avoid most things competitive, where others rely on me and could get mad if I don’t do a good job.
I even avoid competing with myself! In swimming I didn’t push myself to improve my time. I told myself that I didn’t care about winning my heat, I just liked swimming because it’s fun. As a business owner I seldom create monthly or quarterly goals. I tell myself it’s because I don’t want to be constrained.
The truth (of course) is that I’m afraid of what it will feel like to fail at those things. But “fail” is a big word – what precise feelings am I afraid of?
Your Fearmongering Mind
My fear of failure comes down to disappointing myself and disappointing others.
It goes like this: I am/They are disappointed in me; that means I did something wrong; which means I’m not good at this; which means I’m not good.
There are other variations: I shouldn’t be doing this. This is a waste of time. I’m wasting their time. This is stupid. I’m unreliable and can’t trust myself. They won’t include me. And on and on.
It is ASTONISHING when you realize how often thoughts like these hold you back. We hold ourselves back from trying to new things, pushing ourselves, becoming known, being proud.
What are you holding back?
Maybe it’s a brave new marketing tactic that makes you feel excited and vulnerable and foolish (because it might not work), so you keep putting money in the same Facebook ads.
Or maybe it’s an essay or a video you REALLY want to create, but what if everyone thinks it’s a stupid idea or not backed up by research? So you keep writing the same kinds of blog posts that bore you to tears.
Perhaps a new angle or pivot from what you currently offer. You’re super excited about this new idea but it might completely confuse your audience, and what if it doesn’t resonate with them and they unsubscribe in droves?
It might be selling a new course or training.
I can’t stop marveling at the extent to which fear motivates what I do and how I do it. Could I steer my life based on what attracts and excites me, like a magnet? What would that be like?
