I’ve had a lot of fear this week.
Fear that people won’t approve if I change my business model. Or renegotiate a retainer package, take several weeks off from work, fail to respond quickly to emails, say no to a request, miss a deadline, and on and on.
It is SO uncomfortable to be scared. It makes me feel tight and clenched. Sometimes I get knots or butterflies in my stomach. It’s aggravating because I know the fear is fictional (as in, I’m not in actual physical danger) but it feels like I can’t control the grip it has on my mind and body.
When I started my business, everyone and their uncle told me, “wow. That’s going to be really hard.” I nodded politely and rolled my eyes behind their back.
As well meant as that warning is, it’s not helpful. Because, are you trying to discourage me? Prepare me? Because you’re not giving me advice and you’re not being specific about what’s “hard,” so this warning sucks. Thanks for the doom-and-gloom.
None of the, “wow, that’s going to be really hard” prepared me for how hard building a company actually is. But MORE than that? Nothing prepared me for how hard it is to pursue what you desire, whether that’s autonomy or creativity or relationships or recognition.
I know, I know – another millennial moaning about “adulting.” But it’s not that it’s hard to buy stamps or make dentist appointments. It’s that challenging yourself and putting yourself out there and pushing your comfort zones can trigger REAL FEAR. And fear is uncomfortable!
Today my trainer told me that as she prepared for the swim portion of her latest triathlon (whatever), she was so scared she was almost crying. And she had a moment of clarity in which she realized, fighting the fear, resisting it, makes it worse. You have to acknowledge the fear and keep moving.
If you’d told me that the most frequent topic in my 100 Blog Posts in 100 Days challenge would be fear, I would’ve raised my eyebrows at you. But FEAR. IS. CENTRAL!
Every time I talk with a client about writing her thought leadership, expressing her bold opinion, saying something controversial, recording lo-def videos or marketing in a new way… there’s fear.
I don’t usually SAY that to her, because I don’t want to make her feel defensive. But I recognize it because I notice it all the time in myself.
The best thing I know to do is figure out the root cause of the fear, so I can recognize what I’m truly afraid of. Today I had a breakthrough when I realized my fear that I won’t get approval stems from a fear of losing relationships. If I don’t get their approval, they might break up with me! That would be painful, because connection and relationships are my favorite part of my work and life.
So… I don’t really have a conclusion. It’s 9 PM and this blog post took a turn I wasn’t expecting. What I wonder is, if you sit long enough with your fear of a new marketing tactic or an opportunity or a bold opinion or whatever, what will you discover?
