When I was on the field hockey team in high school, the odds were brutally stacked against us. Our high school was new, and started with just the freshmen class. Every other team in our county had upperclassmen on their teams. Only one member of my team had ever picked up a field hockey stick before 9th grade.
I think we won fewer than ten games… over four years. There were games every week for two months in the fall. We lost almost all of them.
My teammates would try to rally our spirits before games, saying stuff like, “we have to win this game.” Or, “come on ladies, we’re GOING TO WIN THIS!”
I rolled my eyes. What was the point of psyching ourselves to win when it was basically impossible? WE WERE SO BAD compared to the other teams! They had more years experience, and more players who were older than we were.
The psyching up just made the (almost) inevitable loss more painful. I preferred realism – accepting that we would probably lose. Besides, we didn’t “have to win.” It was a field hockey game, not the hunger games.
Is goal-setting forced?
My what’s the point philosophy lives beyond field hockey. I don’t do much goal-setting. I know! For a type-A business-owner who likes planning in advance, no goal setting seems out of character. But what’s the point? I like to go with the flow of progress. Because if I psych myself up to force a goal, the potential loss is painful.
Say I set a revenue goal. I don’t want to bring a forceful, pushy energy to any of my conversations with prospects or clients to urge them to buy just so I can meet my goal (which may have nothing to do with what they need). Why create a course or products or services that I’m not excited about, just to meet a revenue goal? And, I don’t want to take on more clients than I can handle, or charge more than is appropriate, just to meet a goal.
Is goal-setting motivating?
On the other hand, I can see that setting a goal and being attentive of my progress will help me achieve… if not the goal itself, at least measurable and intentional progress toward it. More so than if I ignore goals and pretend revenues or profit or whatever else doesn’t matter to me.
If I set a revenue goal and measure my progress every month, it could definitely add energy (and wouldn’t have to be forceful, maybe?). Perhaps I would looking for more opportunities. Maybe I’d add a new package to my offers to diversify how I serve. Perhaps I’d get around to asking my clients for referrals.
Can goal-setting be gentle?
My weight lifting trainer told me it’s time to add goals to my workout program. Time-bound goals give the program meaning and accelerate progress, she said.
But I don’t want to fail, was my first thought. I don’t want to feel like I did on the hockey field. My coping mechanism then was realism: assume you’re going to lose, and don’t get worked up about it. But I have more influence over outcomes now than I did in high school. This brand of realism probably isn’t serving me anymore.
But I still want to avoid that feeling.
I’m afraid that if I don’t achieve the goal, I’ll be hard on myself. I’ll tell myself that I didn’t work hard enough, didn’t want it enough, didn’t try (I need to write a post about this “bootstraps” mindset). How can I create a relationship between myself and my goals- whether weight training or revenue or speaking engagements – that is motivating but not forceful?
What would it look like to make gentle business or weight training goals? Is that an option?
