One time during a family dinner, my uncle explained that he’d just read a study about how social media actually makes people less satisfied with their own lives. Instead of being a miraculous tool that connects people, social media leads to envy and self-doubt.
My cousin said, “social media doesn’t have that affect on me. When I see pictures of my friend’s vacations or families or whatever, I feel happy for them, not bad about myself.”
I wonder if my cousin is an exception to the rule, because I 100% agree with the study – and those findings have been confirmed by subsequent studies. More times than not, seeing pictures of others’ lives on social media leads to lightning-quick comparison-itis. Are they traveling to better places? Do they have better clothes? Is their business more successful?
Even though you (and I) know intellectually that social media is a carefully curated window into people’s lives, we are emotionally vulnerable to its impact. We know it doesn’t tell the whole story, yet faster than we can control, comparison jumps in:
- Am I doing something wrong?
- Why does she have more likes on her video than I do?
- Did they think I looked cute in that picture? Then why didn’t I get more comments!?
The unpleasant flip side of this unpleasant self-doubt is judgment:
- I would never post a photo like that
- Really? Spelling errors? Really??
- She’s exploiting her cute kids to get attention
You either feel like a victim (waaah, it’s not fair that my business isn’t as popular on social media!) or you have a superiority complex (I am soo much better-quality than than business). Both feel shitty, don’t they?
And while you could opt out of social media entirely (I did, when I worked in corporate. It was great), it’s pretty useful when you run an online business. But what if you hate how it makes you feel? You don’t want to screw over your business, but neither do you want to screw over your psyche.
I’m playing with a few ideas:
- Just pick one. Just choose ONE social media network to work on, and eschew the rest.
- Notice your thoughts. For me the effect is obvious. I’ll spend a few minutes scrolling Instagram, then I’ll realize damn, I feel worse about my life. If I get still and notice my thoughts, I learn what’s making me feel bad. Let’s say it’s, “she writes such funny captions. I’m not funny at all.” Then I can ask myself… is that true? Do I believe that? Could I write funny captions if I tried? Do I even want to try??
- Give yourself intentional breaks. Go to a museum or park or friend’s house and leave your phone in the car. Remove the option to be distracted by social, or even to take a “perfect” picture to post later. Be present and look at the world. It’s so pretty!
But more than anything, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You’re not running your business wrong, or using social media wrong. You’re not going too slow or too fast. When “how-to” and “3 tips” posts make you question your everything, take a deep breath and come home. You’re here. You’re okay. There is nothing wrong with you.
This post is part of my 100 Blog Posts in 100 Days series. View the rest here.
