Do you ever wake up and feel so grumpy?
Sometimes I’ll lay in bed in the wee hours and feel like cement because I’m so full of dread and resentment about what I “have to do” that day. It’s nonsensical, because the sun is up, the sky is blue, and it’s beautiful.
My mind does two things when I’m grumpy:
- What does it MEAN? My mind leaps into problem-solving mode, trying to figure out where the grumpies come from and what they mean. And if we need to change something or fix something. While we’re at it, why are we even here and what’s the meaning of it all?
- It’s YOUR FAULT. Our culture is adamant that we can decide what to think and how to feel. It’s all about choosing positivity and good vibes and gratitude, so if you’re not choosing those things, well, it’s really your fault that you’re grumpy, isn’t it?
Existential worry and self-recrimination. Neither of these mental trips improve my mood.
Instead, I remind myself that:
- It’s okay to feel grumpy sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re wasting or ruining your life. You don’t have to force joy out of every single moment: some moments are neutral, some are painful. A range of feelings is part of the soup of being a human being.
- You won’t feel like this forever. All feelings – fierce joy and deep sadness – ebb and flow.
- Feeling grumpy doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Just like you don’t think your thoughts on purpose, you don’t feel your feelings on purpose either.
- Sometimes feelings don’t mean anything, and you don’t have to DO anything about them.
This brings me to my favorite quote by Alain de Botton:
“… [W]hat actually floats through most people’s emotional kaleidoscopes in any given period: all the contradictory, sentimental and hormonal forces that pull us in a hundred often crazed and inconclusive directions. To honor every one of our emotions would be to annul any chance of leading a coherent life. We could not be fulfilled if we weren’t inauthentic some of the time, perhaps even a lot of it – inauthentic, that is, in relation to such things as our passing desires to throttle our children, poison our spouse or end our marriage over a dispute about changing a light bulb…. We are chaotic chemical propositions…. We should feel grateful for, and protected by, the knowledge that our external circumstances are often out of line with what we feel; it is a sign that things are probably on the right course.”
Isn’t that a relief to read?
Feelings and thoughts are mercurial. I don’t need to give them loads of my attention. I can acknowledge them with curiosity and without judgment (ha! This is hard!) and get on the business of my day.
*10 points if you catch the song reference in this post!
