Vulnerability.
I love it. I’m here for it! I’ve listened to Brené’s TED Talks and nodded my head and felt moved to tears. I’ve read (two of) her books (and counting).
But have you noticed? Vulnerability has become another one of those words that’s bandied about so much that it’s lost meaning.
A neighbor word that’s going through a similar transformation? Authenticity.
Your brand must be authentic. You must show your vulnerability online so you can connect with people. You must write authentically while also having good SEO and solving your ideal client’s problems. You have to be vulnerable or people won’t trust you.
I like the way my colleague, Rae MacCarthy, puts it:
“so much of Instagram, even the thought leaders and colleagues I look up to, consists of folks all packaging their vulnerability the same way” (source)
No matter how vulnerable or authentic or heartfelt or adjective you are online, social media is always performative.
You’re curating what you post and what you write, even if it’s a picture of you crying. You’re posting for other people’s acknowledgment and approval (you’re not doing it for you health).
Yet you are still a tender person with a tender heart and love and fear and it gets tiring, doesn’t it, to have that wheel constantly turning? The wheel of what-will-I-post-what-will-I-say-is-this-too-much-or-not-enough-do-I-have-to-share-this and on and on.
I’m know I’m making generalizations. Some people do use social media for their health – to find connection and meaning and common interests that might not come easily In Real Life. I am sure there are people who share on social media without thinking about it at all, just for the heck of it or to update their relatives or whatever.
But the pressure can be draining. Especially when you’re online for your brand, there’s a sense that you owe updates to your audience. Because how else will you stay top-of-mind? How else will people get to know, like and trust you?
Another word on this from Rae:
“I‘m tired of being vulnerable for my “brand.” I’m tired of trying to package my anxiety for inspiration. Sometimes I just wanna live my life w/o spilling my guts about it. Sometimes when I do get more vulnerable on here, I run into people in person and they kind of cringe and say, “Hope you’re doing ok,” and I’m like, uh I’m fine actually? Why’s your face look like that?… It feels impossible to be authentic on here.” (source)
You might be rolling your eyes, because exhaustion with being vulnerable online is privileged problem – and you’re right! But it is a real experience. And it’s easy to see how lifestyle and personal brands can get stuck in a cycle of feeling like they owe their community updates about trauma or relationships or self care.
I don’t have a solution, but I have more to say on this. I’m still puzzling over what I think. In the meantime, I recommend Rae’s most recent blog post, I don’t want to be on social media anymore.
