“I think I regret everything I said.”
That’s how my interviewee described how she felt after a podcast interview. You know that feeling: that a combination of chagrin and embarrassment from thoughts like, I expressed myself badly! I squandered this opportunity! I sounded like an idiot!
These buzzkill thoughts are super normal, but why? Why do we scrutinize what we said and how we said it, instead of trusting our words? What is it about expressing yourself in public that’s so fraught? You might totally comfortable explaining what you do to a new friend, but completely frozen saying the exact same thing in an interview.
For me, it comes down to thoughts like:
- This exposure could give me access to new opportunities and prospective clients. If I don’t look and sound absolutely perfect, I’m wasting my chance.
- I need to impress the people in this room so they think of me the next time they need a business/branding/marketing coach or consultant.
- I have to make sure people like me and think I’m funny and engaging, or else they might talk shit behind my back or think mean things about me, and then I’ll end up alone and friendless.
What are these thoughts about, other than total self-absorption?
- This opportunity exists for my use and advantage
- I need to manipulate people to think what I want them to think
- I need approval from others for my own self-worth
Yuck! Gross! But really, that’s what niggling, self-doubting and anxious (read: scared) thoughts boil down to. They are needy, manipulative, and navel-gazing.
Imagine if you approached speaking, podcast interviews, Facebook Live videos, etc as an opportunity to serve instead of impress. On Facebook Live with my colleague Isha Cogborn, we discuss how showing up to serve has the ironic benefit of making an impression. If you come with your best self, prepared to be helpful and open and give the audience something to think about, you’ll be 100% more impressive than showing up to show off.
Now I know you’ve heard this a zillion times: “give value! Educate! Solve problems! Give before you ask!” It’s good advice to the point that it’s overstated.
But I’m talking about a deeper level of service than just imparting some prefab tip you memorized. What would happen if you let go of your strategy (I know!), deleted your own wants and concerns from the equation, and knelt (not literally, but figuratively) in front of your audience to serve them?
Or rather, what if that WAS your strategy?
Would your chagrin and embarrassment be less?
