Your opinions are important.
You know this already — intellectually, at least — so why do you feel tongue-tied when it comes to going public with compelling, provocative opinions?
I’m not talking about the client front. You’ve been in your industry long enough to have confident answers to client questions. But when it comes to putting forth your opinions far and wide — to prospects, people you look up to, strangers — you freeze. You can’t think of anything to say that isn’t trite and obvious. And you know that magnetic thought leaders are never trite and obvious, but attention-getting, unexpected, or even controversial.
How do you become such a leader?
First, you have to know what you think. This sounds stupid because how could you not know????? Yet often, women entrepreneurs’ true opinions are buried under layers of these five mindset problems: advice susceptibility, people-pleasing, discomfort judging, good ol’ fear, and opinion familiarity. Uncover the depths of your most bold, provocative opinions by understanding where they are hiding:
1. Advice Susceptibility: It’s Killing Your Opinions
We are drowning in a sea of advice. Unsolicited, usually. How many times have you shared a challenge or concern with someone and had them respond, “have you tried X? What about Y? I really think you should Z.”
(There’s a trope that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus — which is idiotic — and that men want to fix problems whereas women want to talk about them. Don’t let that fool you: women try to fix each other all the time, too.)
Our propensity to problem-solve is a symptom of our culture’s obsession with doing — taking action, checking off tasks, fixing things. Thoughtful and provocative opinions (and, ironically, ways to solve problems) come when you let yourself be — think, percolate, imagine, create.
The advice economy is overwhelming in online marketing. How many times have you searched something, looking for new ideas or case studies or research, and received a billion results that sound like, “X Simple ways to Y so you can Z? And when you click on them, they’re listicles of the same advice you’ve read before? Or when you’re scrolling through Instagram or Twitter or, good grief, Pinterest, and it’s full of “10 reasons why you must use social media every day or your business will rot like unpicked fruit” content?
You’re surrounded by advice, most of which you never asked for. And when other people’s ideas are loud in your mind, it is near impossible to hear your own.
2. People-Pleasing: It Stifles Powerful Opinions
Women — I’m painting with a broad brush here, so settle your feathers — are not raised to have strong opinions. Most of us were not encouraged to be loud and outspoken and steadfast in what we believe (girls who are loud, outspoken, and opinionated are bossy. And definitely bitches).
Usually we were raised to be accommodating, to get along with everyone, to compromise. And it’s hard as hell to have a bold opinion while making sure everyone likes and approves of it.
What makes an opinion bland? Compromising on it. Mitigating it. Externally-validating it.
It is very difficult to have a magnetic opinion if you’re trying to please everyone and make sure they like you.
3. Discomfort Being Judgmental: Opinions are Judgments!
From a young age, especially if you’re a woman, you were taught not to be judgmental. You can probably remember the pain of being judged for clothes or music taste or body in middle school
From those formative experiences and training from our elders, most of us have a deep discomfort with being “judgmental.”
But you’re an adult now, and making judgments is good. It’s how your brain tries to figure out whether you’re safe. It’s how you know if you want to keep reading that article, talking to that person, or working with that client. Making judgments is how you discern what’s right for you.
(Also, not making judgments is impossible. We do it instantaneously, all the time. When people say “I don’t judge,” they’re lying — what they mean is that they won’t be a jerk to you based on their judgments.)
You can’t share a strong opinion about your industry without making judgments. A strong opinion is judging a trend, tool, or process is good or bad. This can be cringingly uncomfortable for women who’ve been told for years not to judge anyone, to be nice to everyone, to understand where people are coming from and respect them accordingly.
That’s all fine, but you can still disagree with them and have your own view. No judgment, no opinion.
4. Fear: Publishing Opinions Feels Terrifying
It can feel very scary to come out with a bold opinion. It feels risky to your place in your community (what if I’m proven wrong and I lose face?) and it’s vulnerable (what if it makes people think less of me?). Sometimes it’s downright dangerous.
You do not need to “fix” your fear. All those books and songs with “fearless” in the title are bogus: fear is part of our biology and we can’t meditate or affirm or manifest our way out of it. It’s normal, it’s natural, and it’s uncomfortable because it means an evolutionarily old part of your mind thinks you’re under threat and possibly about to die… but you’re not. Not, at least, from sharing a provocative opinion.
In fact, I recommend you reframe fear from a red light (Ah! I’m scared! This must be bad!) to a green light (Ah, I’m scared! That means I’m doing the right thing). My client Tracy Litt, a mindset coach, puts it like this: any time you step out of your comfort zone — whether in a big way (bungee jumping) or small (clicking “publish” on a bold thought piece) — it startles your system because it’s different. Not bad, just different.
5. Familiarity: Your Opinions are like 1 Billion Microorganisms
A study by NIH found that there are up to 1 billion microorganisms living on humans’ skin. We can’t see them but they’re there. Your opinions are like that: they’re part of you, they’re everywhere, and you’re probably not aware of most of them.
That’s why it can make all the difference to work with someone on developing your opinion pieces. Often, your opinion is so close to you that you don’t realize you have it nor that it’s valuable to your audience.
You’ve been in your sector for so long, and your strong opinions are so ingrained and taken-for-granted by you that they don’t seem worth talking about. That’s why a thought leadership and opinion development partner is invaluable – especially one from outside your industry.
4 Signals that Reveal Hidden, Provocative Opinions
Now you know what the rocks look like that your provocative opinions are hiding under. How can you coax them out of hiding?
Remember: your opinions are all around you. They’re like fireflies: every now and then they glow, and that’s when you can catch them. And the more you look for them, the more you’ll find. So, in case you can’t make it to the webinar (don’t worry, there will be others. Click here to hop on my email list and find out when), here are some glows to watch out for:
- “Maybe….” This word will often come up when you’re trying on an opinion. It can feel safe, because no one commits to a maybe! Take note: maybe you have a provocative opinion on your hands.😉
- “I would never say that….” One time, a colleague said, “executives are cheapskates! But I would never say that.” Well… why not? What if you did say it? I bet you would get their attention.
- “I don’t want to offend anyone….” Me neither! There’s a line (and it’s not a fine line, it’s a heavy one) between being an offensive jerk and stating bold opinions that make some people bluster and huff. Don’t do the former.
- “This might be wrong, but….” This is called mitigating — when you make excuses for your idea before you’ve uttered it. If you catch yourself thinking or saying that, take note. Then cut out the first five words, and state the opinion. No apologies.
Women’s opinions have been stifled for too long. It’s no wonder they’re hiding, but keeping them hidden doesn’t serve you, your clients, or your greater community. Now that you know how to uncover them, it’s your responsibility to lead with them. Go forth and be opinionated!
AAAHH! You might be thinking/feeling. I like the sound of this, but the mere thought of getting started feels like rubbing my forehead against a cheese grater. Everyone’s telling me to “be a thought leader” but… what’s the next step?
That’s what you’ll learn in my free training, Create Magnetic Thought Leadership. We’ll discuss how to turn your bold opinions into thought leadership that gets you heard, seen and hired.
Thought leadership is a commitment and a joyous, ongoing expression of the bold, strong, provocative opinions you didn’t realize you had. It’s brought me such satisfaction and positive feedback, not to mention client leads. On my webinar, I’ll walk you through exactly how I do it for myself and my clients.
Tickets go on sale soon! Click here to find out more, and join my email community to get signup details delivered straight to your inbox.
