Oh, perfectionism. You sneaky devil. You come in so many guises. And I have to give you credit, your latest guise is really good. I should have seen it coming.
You’re wondering how I found you out? Well, let me backup. The thing is, I know you well — we’ve been hanging out for a long time — and I have your number. I know how you show up for me and the women entrepreneurs I work with. You:
- Hold us back from action. We wait and wait for the “right” moment or opportunity to take action, paralyzing ourselves because it has to be perfect
- Find flaws and problems in everything we do, sapping our commitment, motivation and self-belief
- Are obsessed with ROI. We avoid new projects or risks because you tell us it’s not worth it unless we can 100% guarantee our return on investment
- Love to judge and compete, whispering snarky comments about other people and how we’ll never make the mistakes that they make
Alright perfectionism, hold the phone. I need to address the people you’re sabotaging.
A Spectrum of Responses to Black Lives Matter
Women entrepreneurs — especially white ones — hi! How are you?
I bet you’re feeling a lot of ways: sad, shocked, horrified, confused, guilty, uncertain, awkward, tired, and more.
Let’s do a quick review: George Floyd was murdered on May 25th 2020, and everyone noticed. (Why this time? I’m sure people more educated than I are analyzing the reasons.) His death sparked protests in all 50 states and across the globe.
It was impossible to ignore (good!): you couldn’t look at the Internet without seeing outpourings of rage, grief, protests and resources to be an ally and activist. Brands and leaders had to say something. They did, and it went one of three ways:
- Authentic — many brands shared heartfelt messages about Black Lives Matter, about actions they have taken and will take, about changing the future
- Opportunistic — see what that looks like below (source)
- Silent
In the silent camp, there are two groups:
- Ignoring the situation and wishing it would go away. If you’ve had the thought ugh, we JUST got out of a pandemic. I want to focus on my business, here’s what I want you to do: shut yourself in your bathroom and play that violin to yourself. Then take out your journal, and ask yourself, why is it hard for me to recognize the humanity of people with more melanin than I have? Let yourself sit with that, because I bet you think of yourself as a compassionate person.
- Paralysis because you don’t know what to say or do. This is perfectionism.
In your mind, perfectionism sounds like this: I just don’t know what to say. What will my audience think? What if I offend someone? I don’t want to contribute to the noise. Will it help or hurt my brand? I donated; should I post about it? Or is that showing off? So many people are being taken to task for how they respond. What if I’m next? Everything is so negative. Can I say something positive, or is that tone-deaf? So-and-so’s post on Facebook seemed so fake. Since when is she an activist? I don’t want to be like that.
Hmm. Remember how perfectionism works? It holds us back from action, it finds flaws in everything we do, it’s obsessed with ROI, and it loves to judge and compete.
Textbook.
Is perfectionism holding you hostage, paralyzing you with fear of doing or saying the wrong thing so that you do and say nothing? DON’T LET IT TRICK YOU. It is not hard to take action, but perfectionism will make it nigh impossible if you let it.
Dear Perfectionism: It’s Not Us, It’s You
Alright perfectionism, I’m back. And here’s the deal: I know you’re trying to help. I know you come from our childhoods, when you developed to cope with our environment.
But now, you’re holding us back from taking action when lives are at stake. So I want to let you know what’s gonna happen, so you can be prepared for it. We’re going to:
- Take action. I know! So many things could go wrong! But inaction puts us on the side of oppressors, and that’s not what we want to be.
- Make mistakes. You hate it when people don’t like or approve of us. But it’s almost guaranteed that we will screw up, by mispeaking or being ignorant or awkward or trying too hard or whatever. We’re going to feel embarrassed or chagrined. Brace yourself.
- Feel uncomfortable. We hate it when people don’t like or approve of us either. It’s going to be uncomfortable to be called out or have people disagree with us.
So let’s make a pact: from now until we’re dead, discomfort, mistakes and imperfect action are our goals. And when we inevitably get feedback about what we could do better, we’re not going to get defensive. We’re going to take in the constructive criticism and say thank you. And sit with our imperfection.
No Response is Not an Option
There are a lot of wrong ways to respond to systemic racism, white supremacy, and police brutality. Chief among the wrong ways is not to do anything, which is an “option” white people have been choosing for centuries.
Fortunately, there are also a TON of right ways to respond. And women entrepreneurs, I’ve seen great leadership from you: committing a percentage of profits to racial justice organizations; leading conversations among your teams and clients, using your platforms to amplify Black voices. But before I rattle off other ways to respond, we need to talk about optics.
Don’t let optics in the driver’s seat
Leadership makes you hyper aware of optics — how what you do and say looks. And as your audience grows, so do the number of people who a) witness your mistakes and b) don’t like you. For perfectionists, it’s a recipe for paralysis.
Optics are inevitable. You must be conscious of your reputation and brand to make your impact. It’s only a problem when optics are more important than substantive action. Throwing up a Black Lives Matter graphic might make it look like you’re participating, but social media talk is cheap and people can tell you’re faking it. Action requires new lifestyle habits and systems, and they’re rarely Instagrammable.
As a leader you can’t not respond. The cringingly inadequate minimum is to share a Black Lives Matter graphic — and perfectionism will probably allow you to do that. But don’t you dare stop there.
TAKE ACTUAL ACTION
Below is a tiny list of substantive actions you can take, perfectionism be damned. For more ideas, head to social media and Google. There are countless ways to act:
- Amplify Melanated Voices. One of the most powerful ways white people can take action is by shutting the fuck up. I don’t mean to go radio silent — your audience is used to hearing from you — but instead of making this about you and your business, use your platform to amplify voices of people of color. Reminder: Black people are experts at literally everything, not just diversity and inclusion. Do you teach sales? Share content from Black sales experts.
- Buy Black. Switch your buying habits to buy from Black entrepreneurs and creatives — gifts, services, coaches, and more.
- Change your systems. How can you create systems that keep racial justice and inclusion at the forefront? For example, in my company we’re setting up a system to ensure that at least half the content we curate for our clients is produced by people of color.
- Make it routine. Another system we’re considering is how to make “diversity and inclusion” a regular part of our check in meetings with clients. By regularly asking what clients are doing for racial justice, you keep the topic front and center. This suggestion came from my Assistant Content Manager Toya Coleman, and it’s a great one.
It’s long past time to unfreeze and take action. Action first, optics second. And remember: you’re not taking action for bragging rights or gratitude. You’re taking action because it is right and you are a leader.
And if you screw up — which you likely will (remember, new goals!) — this is how you apologize.
Leadership is Calling
Perfectionism hates leadership. Leadership requires decisive action, acting before we have all the answers or the perfect plan or guaranteed ROI, and it exposes us to judgement.
This fight for human lives, dignity, and a great reckoning with our past, present and future requires leadership. YOUR leadership.
Perfectionism is not welcome in this struggle.
Resources:
- Thinking to yourself, but all lives matter! I recommend this short video by my friend Charod Bridges
- Perfectionism is Not a Goal is a great piece on the subject by Nicole Robinson
- Could you use some inspiration and affirmation? Look no further than Desiree Adaway’s Praxis of Liberation
- You can find aaaaaaall the products created by Black folks at We Buy Black or through the Black Wall Street app. Or just take to Instagram and search #BuyBlack
- What to Do If Your Company Has Been Silent About George Floyd, Protests, and Racism in America
Special thanks to Lisa Gates for edits. Featured image by Thomas Allsop.
