Mel Robbins has a theory: that it’s simple to get what you want. Simple, but not easy.
How many ideas do you have throughout the day? Things to try or create or tell people? How often do you have an impulse to send a message, compliment someone, write a story, or ask a question? How often do you act on these impulses? How many times throughout the day do you think about taking a step towards what you want, only to get distracted and think, I’ll do it later?
Mel has a message: stop screwing yourself over.
You’re never going to feel like doing it. You’re never going to feel like editing your novel, starting a business, or changing the way you eat. You’re never going to feel like doing pushups, asking for forgiveness, or writing a pitch. The end goal or product seems removed from the immediate steps. The reward for doing pushups feels like it’s a million years away. So you think well, maybe I don’t actually need to do that.
After all, you’re fine, right? But the problem with “fine,” Mel says, is that you’re saying fine to yourself. And if you’re fine, it’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t need to do anything differently. You don’t need to make changes, you don’t need to do pushups. (There’s a time and place for “I’m fine” though: it creates boundaries. I don’t want to share my emotional state with everyone. Sometimes I don’t want to go into detail. I say I’m fine. Easy. Done.)
So we hit what Mel calls the “inner snooze button” on our impulses. When our ideas well up, we snooze them. Our routines are predictable, and we are creatures of comfort. As soon as we step outside routine, it’s uncomfortable. Yet as Esther Perel tells us, we have equal needs for predictability and adventure, even (or especially) when adventure is challenging, maybe scary. We must parent ourselves: force ourselves to do what it takes to get what we want.
Sometimes it’s okay to hit snooze. It’s not important to act on every Instagram idea, or text a friends every thought that may interest them. But what about your Big Audacious Goals? You’re never going to feel like doing them. And then they won’t get done. And then you won’t get what you want.
Here’s a trick: Mel points out that if you don’t pair an impulse or idea with an action within five seconds, the opportunity is passed. Remember the Five Second Rule next time you have an idea for a blog post or program. Remember it next time you want to sing but don’t. Or dance. Or do a cartwheel.
Scientists have calculated the odds of you being born when you were, where you were, to your particular parents, with your DNA. One in four trillion: those are your odds. Miraculous, isn’t it?
So what was the first decision you made today? To go back to sleep? Or to get up within five seconds and start your day?
